Shep's Birth Story

Shepherd Meyer Wilson was born via VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) on August 26, 2022 at 7:24am, and I am so proud and grateful.

There is much to be said about the preparation that led up to his birth which will be coming in a future post. For now, I simply want to tell the story of how our little man went from being in the world of the womb to the world in our arms. It’s amazing to me that the Lord has given me the privilege of living and telling the story of the birth of two of His children. Incredible. For this one, I’ll go ahead and warn you it was not a quick process and spanned across several days, so settle on in for a while.

Tuesday, August 23rd

It’s funny that it all began on this day because originally, my mom and our doula, Jess, were going to be out of town the weekend prior and both returning by the evening of August 22nd.  While neither of them ended up going out of town just in case, it was as if my body knew this was an important day, despite the due date being August 31st/September 1st, and all systems were a go!

7:30am I woke up feeling some cramps. I didn’t think too much of it until I realized they were a bit prolonged and kept returning. It was enough that I voiced to Ronny I might be having contractions.

Sure enough, as the day wore on, the contractions were still spaced quite far apart but enough that I would have to walk around and breathe through them. By early evening, I had to leave the room to focus. That night, I tried to sleep, but it was rough going. I kept waking up and needing to stand to walk around. I’d have some reprieve, maybe 30 minutes or an hour, but overall, it was a very disjointed night.

Wednesday, August 24th

5:00am(ish) At some point in the early morning, I gave up the pretense of attempting to sleep and got up. We had moved our bedroom down to our basement, and it turned out to be the perfect space to labor in peace. Very quiet, calm, dark. Having it be a stormy morning was helpful too. I walked around, focused on practicing breathing through contractions (I’m grateful that they do not just turn on full strength…your body gives you time to get used to them). I was timing them, and they were gradually getting closer together, consistently eight to ten minutes apart, and then eventually down to about five minutes. I ate some toast and fruit. 

12:00-3:30pm We were in communication with our doula, who suggested I try using my breast pumps to get my body to produce some oxytocin. Goodness, the contractions ramped up to about three minutes apart, so I’d say that was effective. Ronny did an excellent job of giving me time to myself (my preference at this point) and checking in periodically. This was around lunchtime. At that point, I thought, OK, maybe we’re moving into the next phase, but when I stopped the breast pumps, things slowed down again. Jess popped by our house to help walk us through the Lavonne Circuit, which is a series of positions that help get the baby into position to encourage labor to progress more rapidly. 

As the day wore on, I was still managing contractions, but not to the point where it felt like time to go to the hospital. My midwife had encouraged me to labor at home as long as I felt comfortable, knowing that when I arrived at the hospital, I would have to wear a fetal monitor for the duration. She essentially said, “I’m good if you end up making it to the hospital with just enough time before the baby comes.” Given that those monitors can be confining, and honestly, just annoying, I was eager to limit being strapped to one. I had loosely decided to go natural for this birth because I wanted to give my body the greatest chance to do what it needed and was designed to do. I remember voicing this plan to Ronny, and he was unsurprised and very supportive.

6:00pm Around dinnertime, Jess texted the suggestion we go do some curb walking (one foot steps on the curb, the other on the pavement to help create more space in the pelvis). We (Ronny, my mom, Liam Bood, and myself) went to the park near our home, and Bood even did some curb walking with me around the play structure. Things were not ramping up, so Jess recommended I tuck in for the night and try to sleep.

I felt pretty discouraged by that prospect considering I had a pretty miserable night before, so she recommended I take Benadryl (after having me double-check to make sure that was on the list of acceptable medicines for pregnancy). 

Welp, Benadryl did not prove to be of much help. I think I logged around two to two and half hours of sleep if that.

Thursday, August 25th 

4:30am After utilizing the bath for a reprieve (water is the best and I did this several times at home), and finally being unable to lay flat comfortably, Ronny was up with me because the intensity of the contractions had increased significantly. When they say you won’t have to wonder about contractions, or if you’re solidly in labor, they mean it. These contractions felt like they had two peaks and were very intense around my back. I had to squat and breathe and low hum. I was holding a comb pretty consistently by that point as well. For those that don’t know, the pressure of the comb teeth in your palm can help distract your brain from the contractions so they feel less intense.

Around this time, Ronny was encouraging me to do another circuit and my mental space was getting a little shakier. It’s hard looking back on how long you’ve been working and knowing that any steps you take forward will only make things more intense. With birth, it must get worse before it gets better. His thought was, “Let’s make it happen because you’ve been at this a while and are starting to get drained.”

5:15-8:00am  We did a circuit which, surprisingly, let me sleep a little while (30 minutes). We texted Jess to let her know where things were. Knowing I might need a bit of confirmation that things were progressing, she suggested we go to the doctor’s office to have me checked. That felt like a very helpful step because it had been 48 hours, and while I was still calm, it was hard to remain hopeful without a good night of sleep twice in a row.

8:00-10:00am I called about coming in to get checked and the person on the line said I couldn’t get in until 1pm. That was just not going to work for me so she eventually said I could come in around 11. I felt like once we left home, we wouldn’t be returning, so Ronny and I packed everything up. It was rainy. My mom and Bood were hanging out and helped us get situated. Finally, we were on our way. Jess later remarked that it took us forever to actually get to the doctor’s office…lol true. We were taking our time and preparing to be gone. It took Ronny a little while to realize that I wasn’t planning on coming home after the doctor’s office because I was more focused on contractions than communication. Again, lol.

Standing was the only way I was ever really comfortable. Contractions while sitting down were the worst, and I had several on the drive over. People talk about how sitting on the toilet can give some reprieve, but I found it to be the opposite. As soon as I would sit down, I would start a contraction. Given my short torso, I think the lack of real estate made things squeeze faster. My biggest concern about going somewhere in public was the vulnerability of experiencing these much more intense contractions in front of other people. I am much more private by nature (who is surprised?). 

11:00am We arrived at the doctor’s office, and I was able to sit and wait in an area that was more hidden. There was a bathroom nearby that I went into with my comb to work through contractions in private. We ended up waiting for an hour before being seen, and the contractions slowed down. I’ve heard this happens when you change environments because adrenaline kicks in which works against allowing your body to relax.

On my way back to a patient room, I had a contraction that made me stop in the hallway and the women who were walking with me were sympathetic. The midwife came in, checked me, and said I was at five centimeters and 100 percent effaced.

“Girl, you’re in labor!” was her remark.

She also told me we could go to the hospital. While it might sound silly, I wasn’t sure I was quite ready to be in that environment, and knowing this, the midwife said she wanted me to hook up to a fetal monitor for a while to check to make sure Shep was OK.

Sitting in that chair, hooked up, unable to stand up during contractions was the opposite of enjoyable. The sensors were not great and after the midwife said she thought Shep was having dcells, we sent a picture to Jess (who is a labor and delivery nurse) for confirmation. She disagreed about the dcells and we honestly did too because it was clear the sensors weren’t working well and didn’t even pick up all the contractions I had.

We left the office, and I felt like it was time for the next stage. The thought of returning to the basement to continue managing contractions felt overwhelming to me, so we decided to get lunch before checking in at the hospital. I wanted to eat as much as I could before being limited to clear liquids. We also told Jess we were heading to the hospital, and she planned to meet us.

1:30pm Jimmy John’s sounded good, so we stopped there and ate. It was a surreal experience to be in a public space where no one knew I was in labor. Sort of like, “Hello, yes, I’ll have a beach club, and a side of active labor please, except my contractions have slowed down because I am out of my original labor environment which is apparently a thing. And oh by the way, can you add some extra oregano to that? Thanks.” I felt outside of space and time and weirdly detached. The sandwich and chips were helpful, and then it was time.

Parking in a full lot at the hospital was the exact opposite of the experience we had with Liam’s birth which happened roughly three weeks after the world shut down with COVID. What do you mean we have to share the lot with other humans as opposed to the ghost town of our last experience? We gathered our belongings (and by we I mean Ronny), and we headed in to get registered and checked in. I was still having contractions occasionally but the change in environment definitely caused things to slow down. 

It brought me a lot of peace to know I would be setting up camp in the hospital room, but one of my biggest concerns when entering a new space, especially when I’m in a more stressful state like labor, is the new sounds I might encounter. If you know me, you know this is a real issue. So one of my first moves was to get the ticking clock off the wall. There was a vent fan that was making a pretty irritating noise because it was jammed. I tried to shrug it off and just be fine with it, but after about an hour of being there, Ronny, BLESS HIM, climbed up on a stool and got it turned off.

I could feel my blood pressure relaxing back to normal instantly. 

Jess had arrived prior to the fan fix, and we realized we had forgotten batteries for our twinkle lights. This was one of the big things I wanted to use to help create a softer environment. Get those fluorescents off and bring on the twinkle lights! Jess’ husband, Corey, very kindly brought some to the hospital.

Corey, if you read this, you were an MVP. So many staff members commented on how cozy our room was with those lights. It made such a big difference for me. Thank you!

4:30pm(ish) Not long after we got settled, IV was in, fetal monitor on, hospital gown blowing about in the breeze, etc etc, the midwife came in to do a cervical check. Before even checking me she mentioned how I might just be able to go home.

I’m not kidding when I say it was more painful than any of the contractions I experienced, and definitely far worse than the one in the office. I half-expected her fingers to come out my mouth if you catch my drift.

She said I was still at six-ish centimeters, which is roughly where I had been when I was at the office. Her response was to very quickly tell me that I could go home if I wanted to, stay for a few more hours to see if I progressed, have my water broken, start Pitocin, or I could just have a C-section. 

Um. No. And interestingly, she was the same midwife I had for Liam’s birth which ultimately ended up being a C-section, but that’s a conversation for another time. 

Worth noting: there was a midwife, Beverly, in the practice I’d seen who I specifically asked if she would be willing to come in to help deliver Shep, even if she wasn’t on call. She had agreed and was waiting on standby during most of labor.

Also important, I was dead set on not having my water broken. In the birth class we took, which included a large staff of midwives, doulas, and a nurse, we were told there is no medical reason to break your water. Yes, it can speed up labor, but it can also cause the baby to get in a bad position and lose its cushion for making its way into the birth canal. After the midwife left the room, our nurse quietly discouraged me from having my water broken.

6:30pm(ish) We did some circuits which allowed me to fall asleep for about 15 minutes again. During that time, there was a shift change and in entered Hailey. The absolute gem of a nurse. I feel like I could write an entire blog post about her alone. She introduced herself as the nurse they usually assigned to natural cases. Since I was going unmedicated either the entire time or for as long as possible, I fell within that grouping. She was so quick to begin explaining things in a relatable way and SHE WAS JUST THE BEST. This quality mattered because the midwife eventually came back and after another painful check with no progress, said basically I either needed to leave, have my water broken, get Pitocin, or have a C-section. She said the fact that I hadn’t progressed and was able to sleep at all led her to believe I wasn’t in labor. To be honest, it felt like she didn’t believe me when I retold my experience of the previous 48 hours, at least not the intensity of contractions I’d been experiencing. I felt the undertones of her thinking I was exaggerating what had been going on. She said some women can deal with prodromal labor for weeks before birth. When I expressed I had not been able to sleep, again, she looked skeptical and asked what I’d tried. It was very offputting given I knew what had occurred with my body, and the fact that six centimeters is considered active labor. 

I cannot express how much that took the wind out of my mental game sails. 

I tried to sit down to think, but every time I did it brought on a contraction. I’d more or less been on my feet for 48 hours with small breaks. The midwife mentioned I should try and rest and relax, even noting I’d been standing most of the time she’d been in the room, but being anything but vertical was the worst. 

Jess and others had told us that if any intervention or big suggestion was made that we could ask for time to talk about it alone for at least 30 minutes. If whatever was going on was urgent, we wouldn’t be given the time and that would be an indicator that there was an issue. It was a helpful litmus test. As it turns out, they left us alone for at least an hour and a half. 

Again, after the midwife left, the nurses discouraged me from having my water broken.

Anyone else sensing a theme here?

I was brought to face one of the bigger fears I had with deeply desiring a VBAC: any type of intervention, especially Pitocin, would automatically turn the birth into a C-section. That was a lie that I had somehow grabbed onto. Ronny felt similarly to me, knowing how much I wanted to experience a vaginal birth.

Brief doula shoutout: Jess was invaluable in this conversation space. She tried multiple times to give Ronny and I the opportunity to speak alone, which was incredible of her, but we both needed a third person to help us talk it through. We might have taken a few minutes to ourselves, but what I remember is how both of us felt such a sense of support and comfort in having her as a sounding board. I still cannot believe how long the hospital staff left us alone to talk. Doulas are on your team and stay with you, and that is huge!

Eventually, rather reluctantly, because I knew it would make contractions worse, I agreed to get Pitocin. I knew that I didn’t want to look back and wish I’d done something to help my body get Shep out on mostly its own terms. 

8:00pm There is no question that the Pitocin ramped things up. Contractions got to every two minutes. I needed some coaching for breathing through and alternated positions with leaning back into Ronny while standing or on the birthing ball with Jess pressing on my hips. I also took a shower, or rather, sat in a chair and Ronny sprayed me with warm water which felt AMAZING. I couldn’t take a bath at that point with the fetal monitor in the picture. 

9:00pm We and a group of friends were invested in Big Brother. An episode came on at 9pm. While the sound of the episode was slightly irritating, at some point, my brain decided it was a goal: I would go until the end of the episode with Pitocin before getting an epidural. 

It had been 62 hours since I first felt the initial cramp contractions mixed with two nights of barely any sleep. I felt I had done all that I could without a real rest. It was time for some sleep. Hailey returned, and I told her I wanted an epidural. I could tell she was slightly surprised, as were Jess and Ronny since I had made the decision internally. I was a little surprised myself given the association of any intervention being a bad thing. It was helpful to realize that this is not always true. In fact, the Pitocin was eventually turned off because my body was contracting just fine and consistently on its own. Wohoo!

10:30/11:00pm Ronny, being only a few months away from entering his nursing school program, really wanted to witness the epidural, but they intentionally do not let the birth partners witness it in case someone, ahem, the dad, becomes lightheaded. Staying still during contractions with the needle - not enjoyable or easy. The nurse anesthetist was great, explained her approach (give me the lowest amount that made sense and planned increase if need be), got the drugs in, and departed. 

I settled down in bed, and slowly, the numbness kicked in. Bliss. Also during that time, I asked Hailey to redo the IV placement (at least I think it was after the epidural…at any rate, I made this request at some point). It was uncomfortable, in a bad spot, and kept bothering me. When it was first put in, I had asked about a different location, but they wanted to try that one. Ugh.

One thing I remembered having highlighted about myself during this process is that I’m not great at allowing myself to just ask for and need things. And let’s be honest, if ever there was a time when my needs, desires, and whatever else were a top priority, it was during labor! I felt bad inconveniencing her by having her redo someone else’s IV. It was the right decision because I was much more comfortable afterward.

August 26th

1:00am Well, the glorious sleep I was hoping for didn’t come. My blood pressure dropped to 70/30. Whenever there was an issue, a doorbell alarm would sound. Ronny and I had both been trying to sleep, but between the wacky blood pressure, and the blood pressure cuff permanently affixed to my arm now checking every five minutes or whatever it was, sleep was rather elusive.

2:00-3:00am Eventually, I started to feel a nagging pain in my left side. I told Jess (Ronny was trying to get some sleep) and she helped me shift into another position, but it became clear that the epidural wasn’t really working. At least not entirely. The nurse anesthetist came back for adjustments, and by that time, I was back holding my comb again and having to concentrate through each contraction with the added deficit of not being able to walk around. I remember Jess saying I’d need to utilize my coping techniques again, and thank goodness I had them! 

I got another reprieve for a little while.

4/4:30ish Hailey suggested we try pushing around 5/5:30. The midwife came in to check me, and during the exam, again asked if I wanted my water broken. It was frustrating since I had continued to be so adamant that I did not want it. I had made it to ten centimeters and was “laboring down” (just because you hit ten centimeters does not automatically mean your body is ready to push…it often needs time to just sit and prepare) with faint feelings of needing to poop, which is evidently the sign of needing to push. 

5:30am It was a mixed deal to have “coached” pushing. I say that loosely because while Hailey, Ronny, and Jess were all encouraging me and watching the monitor for contraction peaks, a lot of the pushing was led by me. The epidural was definitely wearing off again, so I was in need of something productive to do but wasn’t feeling any kind of distinct urge to push. In the beginning, I felt really frustrated, as if my brain and body had cut ties. I know I had an epidural, but I was feeling enough that it felt like the connection should have happened sooner. I’m sure some of it was that this was the point I got to with Liam before ultimately having a C-section. With his birth, I was told I was a good pusher. I felt wildly incompetent this time around at the beginning with Shep. 

We got a mirror, and being goal-oriented, this helped. Jess and Ronny each had a leg that they would lift and set back down. I could feel Shep’s feet up in my left ribs, using them as a pushing off point. It was clear throughout the labor that Shep was having a hard time getting into an optimal position which explains why I felt like my contractions had two peaks. Jess (and countless others) was praying throughout which was a comfort. 

Eventually, the amniotic sac became visible. It looked like disgusting goo, or the troll boogers in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. It was unclear whether it was just more mucus plug that needed to separate or whether Shep was still contained within the sac. 

Less epidural, more pushing. I distinctly remember hearing Jess say, “Push away the pain.” It helped because I was feeling angry that the epidural wasn’t working fully. I pushed an extra time beyond when they said I could stop if I wanted a break. Again, I cannot express how helpful it was to have something to do during the contractions. The longer I was in the pushing phase, the more uncomfortable it became when Jess and Ronny would lay my legs down to rest, particularly my left leg which was the one Ronny was holding. Strange, but I remember that and it was probably because of Shep’s position.

6:30am As time wore on, it looked like I was laying an egg. There’s no other way to describe it. Hailey started being a lot more active. It was around 7am which was another shift change. She stayed past her shift to be there for Shep’s birth which meant so much. The midwife we’d had was prepared to head home, and the one coming in had gotten stuck in a ditch. Also, the midwife I originally wanted, Beverly, was unable to come in due to a family emergency (her son hit his head with a baseball bat…yeah OK, Beverly, totally understandable you couldn’t come in!). Something was in the air for the midwives.

Hailey called our original midwife to come back because it was clear Shep was coming. I remember feeling like it did not seem clear at all. Like I had made very little pushing progress so what was all the excitement for? Far from feeling excited, I felt highly discouraged by what felt like a lack of progress. Jess began reminding me to look in the mirror because I had started closing my eyes during pushes.

7:00am Well, after about 30 minutes, the egg became MUCH larger and it was clear Shep was inside the amniotic sac too. The midwife had arrived and the staff members were all excited because an en caul birth, one where the amniotic sac is still intact, is rare (which makes sense since so many women have their water broken). I found it a bit annoying that the midwife who had asked so many times about breaking my water was so excited about the prospect of seeing a baby come out in the sac. Can you tell she wasn’t my favorite?

I digress, but you remember what you remember. It was also a bit overwhelming to have gone from Ronny, Jess, and Hailey as the only people in the room to what felt like roughly ten.

7:15am The Shep’s head egg was at nearly its full point, and I rested, waiting for the next several contractions, and then, pushed, and out his head came, and I felt his body come quickly after. I remember thinking I’d have to wait longer for his body.

7:24am 8 pounds, 4.5 ounces, 21.5 inches long and Shep was here! I was SHOCKED. I was holding him, and I had done it. I had successfully had a VBAC! There was a small window of time to have tears of joy and pride come. I could hear Ronny had tears and was almost more focused on how proud he was of me than seeing Shep. I felt the placenta be born, which turned out to be HUGE, by the way, and then, there was pain and a high level of activity from the medical staff. 

From what I understood, which most of this knowledge came after the fact, I lost about 300 CCs of blood and had a second-degree tear. I was still somewhat numb, but definitely not entirely from the epidural, so when the stitching was happening, I had more awareness than I would have liked to. I remember Jess telling me to say something and when it became clear that I was disconnecting from everything, she told them I could feel things.  Somewhere in that time, Ronny cut the cord too.

Also during that time, Shep’s breathing was really fast. I had still been holding onto him and was very consciously trying to be gentle while I was in pain (strange how you can navigate contractions, but pain after the baby is out is just different, plus, by that point, it had been 72 hours), and eventually they took him to make sure all was well. Between his crying, the double amount of staff in the room because of the shift change, and the pain, I disassociated and kept my eyes closed. I couldn’t get myself to stop crying. It all just felt like too much. Ronny was between Shep and me. Jess was helpfully explaining to me what was going on in my ear, and she eventually asked me what was wrong, and I said the words, “It’s just too much.”

I was worn out. I had done it but felt like the moment had been stolen, at least in part, with the aftermath. 

Eventually, when I was fixed up, they brought Shep over to me. He had been crying and almost as soon as they set him on my chest, he calmed down. 

It was amazing…the skin-to-skin. 

It was one of the things I’d missed out on with Liam because of the C-section, and because I didn’t know what to ask for so it was a priority for me this time around. Ronny actually got to hold Liam first. 

Shep and I sat there for a while. Jess left us to have some time and for her to go get some sleep. The staff told me not to nurse him because of his breathing and that he would need to go to the transition nursery for a few hours until his breaths slowed. 

9:30/9:45am The stork nurse (what an excellent name), came to take him to the transition nursery and the source of his first feed got brought up. I said I could pump, but they got him settled and asked if it was OK to give him formula for the first one. Since I wasn’t going to have time to pump, I reconciled it was OK for his first feeding to not be from me.

10:00am This ultimately ended up being a really helpful thing because I was moved to a mother and baby room and, almost instantly, slept for two hours. Before arriving in the room, we saw Beverly in the hallway. She had specifically come to check on us and did later on as well, and explained the reason for her absence. Again, lady, we get it! Ronny went to visit Shep during that. My cousin Brad, who had recently joined the trauma surgical team at the hospital, was our first visitor, though he didn’t get to meet Shep because only parents were allowed in the transition nursery. 

It’s funny, I feel like I should have felt more worried or scared or something about Shep being in the transition nursery, but mostly, I was so appreciative of the sleep.

I was also amazed and thrilled about the post-vaginal birth experience versus the post-C-section experience. I joked by saying, “Did I even give birth by comparison?” I mean, I was up walking around almost immediately! What a dream!

Eventually, it was time to go see him. The transition nursery was so amazingly quiet, and peaceful, with a gentle fan blowing somewhere. Poor, tiny Shep had marks on his face from where the tape held the feeding tube in place. 

We got nursing figured out quickly, and he was able to come back to our room with us. We ended up staying two more nights in the hospital for recovery. It was so strange and wonderful to have visitors. My mom, Steph, and Bood visited that first night. It was wild to see how huge Bood looked after having been staring at Shep so long. Courtney and Ana came to visit, as did Drew. We ended up having one of the same night nurses that we’d had with Liam, and again, people loved how good the room smelled with our diffuser and how cozy it was with the twinkle lights. 

Our baby boy number two was here! It was incredibly empowering to be among a very small percentage, something like 14 percent, of successful VBACs. I’m grateful I got to have both experiences.

Tiny Shephered Meyer Wilson, what a gift and effort and labor of love it was to bring you into this world.