Dear 2020

Dear 2020,

What an intriguing character you’ve been. When we met in Pennsylvania in the Wilson living room, with a baby growing in my belly, I could not have guessed how you would have transpired.

If I’ve walked away with anything from our time together, it’s that my relationship with you has looked quite different than the one you’ve had with others. Where many experienced pain, heartache, fear, grief, loss, and lows, I experienced life. Where many felt beaten down by you, I felt like I was given an abundance of gifts and time. Don’t get me wrong, I felt some of those other things too, but life was more on my mind.

In the midst of the riots, racial conversations, and deaths from a pandemic, I was daily confronted with a LIFE! 

I heard someone describe you as “my covid year” (see this article). And though what I’ve written thus far sums you up well, for the sake of remembering, let’s chat a little more about who and what you were.

To start, you were the first year in a long time I did not see another country apart from the United States. The previous six included a variety of international experiences. Somehow, it seems fitting that rather than visiting another country, I grew a brand new human being instead. 

Fair trade and well played. 

You included one pandemic, two roommates, and several good-byes, one of which was permanent for this lifetime. You slowed us down and got us connected to our local church in a consistent way that we have not up to this point in our marriage, and I personally haven’t since college. You gave us the gift of community within minutes of us. 

In essence, you folded our traveling wings and created space and time for roots to grow. 

2020, I appreciate how you’re not a year I look back on and feel heavy, even burdened. I really think I got off easy with you. You held the beginning of parenthood and for that, I am forever grateful. 

Without living in the details too much, let’s think through things more chronologically.

One of the more noteworthy events was the passing of my dear Nini. The fact that I managed to make it to age 28 with four living grandparents is truly a gift of the story of my life. She had loved ones around her and ultimately passed away peacefully. 

I feel as though I lost my best prayer warrior, but somehow it’s OK because I know heaven gained a spectacular addition.

2020, your January also contained a childbirth preparation class (because, hello, anticipating birth is no joke and having all the information I could get was wildly helpful), a failed glucose test (gestational diabetes is not recommended), and a trip to Longboat Key Florida to celebrate Nini’s life in one of her favorite places.

As often happens with winter, January faded into February with a gestational diabetes education course at the beginning (they’ll really scare you by showing you insulin to begin with...perhaps the tactic worked because I managed it fine with diet and exercise...this student wanted an A on her blood sugar report card). There were other things like an open house at work which coincided with a unique sighting of several inches of snow in Georgia (so fun!), a visit from the Wilson family, and a baby bump photoshoot. 

I really was a cute pregnant lady, if I do say so myself.

Sprinkled throughout January and February was our Preparation for Parenting class. We met with four expecting couples (one shared our due date...the guy and I were in the same department at work and when people would ask pregnancy-related questions about his wife, he’d ask me how far along we were lol) and were led by some of our friends to talk through all things baby. It was very helpful to have a plan in regards to breastfeeding and sleeping! 

We also helped a little bit with one of the Perspective courses (the course on global missions) in the spring, though our involvement dwindled the closer we got to meeting our little man!

Then things took a turn. On March 2nd, I remember filling in for my supervisor in a meeting discussing this virus that had been popping up and the implications it might have. The president of the organization was involved, and he said something to the effect that the virus could mean nothing or it could change everything. It was unknown.

...right…

2020, your March was full, and you marched me through my final month of pregnancy with a baby shower to remember. So many of my favorite people were able to come to town to celebrate our upcoming baby boy. We had a full house, and the time was so sweet. 

I had no idea that weekend would be the last big gathering before quarantine began.

The last few weeks of work included fundraising training, helping bring almost 600 participants back from the field because of the virus, and shifting to working from home with the final day physically in the office being March 13th. I had no idea that would be my last consistent time in the office for the rest of 2020. 

Quarantine was ushered in after watching Survivor the next Wednesday night when President Trump announced we were in a national state of emergency. 

What a strange time to be nine months pregnant!

If I’m honest, I liked quarantine and being home more than I probably should have. Our worship leader at work facilitated worship in some form for nine weeks at the beginning of quarantine. We would turn on the livestream at the beginning of the work day. What a gift to start our days with worship! We also went on many walks. 

It was a sweet and simple time.

One unfortunate result of COVID was that there needed to be a lot of staff reduction at Adventures. I found out I would be induced on April 5th which meant that April 3rd was my last day of work before maternity leave...and I still was not sure whether my position or Ronny’s would be deemed essential. 

That conversation ended up happening about a week after Liam was born. 2020, that was kind of rude, I won’t lie. Fortunately, we both kept our jobs!

Regardless, April was baby month. After finishing work, that weekend I tried a number of things to naturally induce labor, including getting acquainted with my breast pump. Nothing worked and so we went to the hospital in the evening on April 5th to start the induction. Liam’s birth story was quite the ride and far longer than anticipated. 

The rest of April passed in a blur of C-section recovery (my first poop happened on Easter and I felt like my scar was ripping open...ugh), learning to breastfeed, adjusting to being responsible for a tiny life, a newborn photoshoot and baby snuggles. Ronny was able to take three weeks of paternity leave, and he was an absolute champ with helping care for both Liam and me. People were so kind to bring us food, and we used our glass storm door as the “Liam viewing area” since COVID made visits iffy.

2020, one thing I will say about you is you encourage family time. There’s is nothing quite like the grandparent’s anticipation of seeing their grandchild for the first time. The end of April and most of May included family visits. They kindly helped with house things like staining our deck and creating a firepit with payments of time with the little squishy boy, of course. I got to celebrate my first mother’s day too.

The arrival of June meant the end of maternity leave, but still working remotely, thank goodness. It was quite a transition, some of which included tears of stress. On one particular day, the majority of an afternoon was spent working with one participant applying last minute. While that proved to be one of the more stressful days of returning to work, it was redeemed by the fact that the participant came back for another trip and has been very connected to Ronny ever since. Pretty cool.

Other things for June included deciding to pursue a job change to a different department that felt like a better fit, our birthdays, replacing our heating and cooling system (praise the Lord), a date night, the final work days for many of staff, Ronny’s first father’s day, my brother and a friend beginning to date, and a visit from my mom.

2020, three of my favorite parts of your June included Liam beginning to sleep through the night, the fact that I submitted my first piece of writing to something other than my own blog (very exciting!), and the beginning of house church. A family, who we are now very close to, invited us to do church at their home. It was our first outing with Liam other than to the doctor’s, and was the beginning of what has become a sweet friendship.

Summer flew by after that. 2020, for being new parents, you certainly had us away from home more than I would have anticipated in the midst of a pandemic. We went to Myrtle Beach with the Wilsons for the 4th and saw many fireworks along the coast (probably my favorite firework display ever and the real event was cancelled!), had a three month photoshoot, and then headed to Michigan. We had a Jacobus and Baxter runion (we honored Nini with the Baxter side) and began doing some support meetings. 

Between Myrtle Beach and Michigan, we were only home for roughly a week in July and gone for a collective four weeks between July and August. Liam did well, but it was a lot.

August involved ending my time in my Sales role, and embracing early morning women’s prayer with our church on Thursdays. It was one of the hardest and best decisions as a night owl I’ve made, and I’ve been going ever since.

2020, by the time fall rolled around you brought me a new job starting September 1st, a kayak trip with the men from our church for Ronny, the chance to host a fun night for our small group involving making pretzels and mulled wine, and a trip to Pennsylvania where we did a Death Day Party (for you Harry Potter fans) for Ronny’s sister who has had to adjust so many things about her wedding that it got delayed until 2021. 

October meant a six month photoshoot with Liam, a phone call late one night from our friends asking if we could help them with their flooding apartment, and an unexpected week of them living with us. Incidentally, that same weekend, our friend who was preparing to move to Guatemala also moved in for a short season. It was a full house! 

We had a visit from our friends Christina and Nathan with their daughter, were able to celebrate a year of home ownership, had a surprise date night, and a quiet Halloween around our firepit. 

Squish was adorable as a pumpkin.

2020, if nothing else, we, ironically, got time with people.

November was full with Election Day, a baby shower for one of our church friends, my mom coming to visit, a week of orientation for new long-term missionaries (my first time in the office), and our 3rd anniversary.

We celebrated by taking our first overnight stay away from Liam at the St. Regis hotel. The description of “European elegance with southern hospitality” was quite accurate, and we had one of the best meals I’ve ever had. We may or may not have also gone out to dinner on the actual night of our anniversary too #gobigorgohome.

One thing I was not prepared for about you, 2020, was the good-byes. The apartment flooding resulted in Chris and Katherine moving sooner than anticipated, as in several months sooner. There were a few other good-byes in quick succession, but that one was definitely the hardest.

A virtual viewing of Maddie’s dance recital, the beginnings of trying chiropractic care, and Thanksgiving led us into the final stretch of your story, 2020. 

Miraculously, we got our Christmas tree on December 1st. Ronny went to a men’s retreat so I had Liam overnight by myself for the first time. We had our staff Christmas party.

Ronny and I BOTH randomly won the two flight vouchers in the raffle drawing. THANKS LORD!

Our church is getting us involved with Ronny auditioning for the worship team and me soon to be stepping into helping lead prayer ministry. We said good-bye to LeAnn who headed to Guatemala and Jake and Emily headed back to India.

For a year that so many wanted to end quickly, 2020, you squeezed in a few gems at the very end. We traveled to Pennsylvania and met Clara Brown on the way to DC (so good to see Kallie and Sam), Ronny officiated Allie and Matt’s marriage, we drove to Michigan, and ended the year getting ready for bed and looking at our sleeping boy.

Well, 2020, I said I wasn’t going to get detailed, but here we are. 

You were the year of pregnancy, quarantine, toilet paper and hand sanitizer and mask frenzies, birth, parenthood, LIAM, early morning prayer, bread-making, Gospel community, partnership development, pursuing new avenues of writing, and ultimately, a year of many firsts. 

My biggest takeaway, though, is that you represented the beginnings of parenthood. The pandemic provided the unique opportunity to begin that journey very much in partnership in a way Ronny and I might not have otherwise since we were both home. 

For that, and for Liam, I will be forever grateful.

Your chapter has closed. I pray everyone is still able to see some of your good qualities, even if they didn’t get to see the same side of you I did. 

Love,

Casey