8/26/22 - 11/3/23

Shep and I had our last breastfeeding moment together nearly two months ago.

I had been intending to conclude sooner than we did, but it took him some time to embrace the bottle. Though time has passed, I couldn’t let this change go by unacknowledged.

Normally, I have a lot of mental buildup to moments like this. It helps me to name the day of a big transition to mentally prepare, and I’d been trying to figure out when. That morning, things were calm, and I decided it was the end.

We lasted a little over 14 months, roughly 3 of which I was pregnant. Wild. Our season looked different. Shep was a much faster eater, so much so I worried he wasn’t getting enough at the beginning. We even got down to just one side at a time for a stretch.

For memory’s sake, here are some stats and notes:

• His first ever feed was from a tube in the transition nursery because his breathing was quite fast when he was first born.

• I had to cut dairy and caffeine at the beginning. Shep was VERY sensitive to any dairy I ate.

• My letdown was very intense at the beginning, almost painfully so, and I think I was overproducing so he got blasted at first.

• The intense let down led to trying different positions. Since I didn’t have a c-section, the football hold wasn’t as necessary. A new one I tried that we used quite a lot was lying down. So snuggly.

• One memorable feed at small group featured about four kids standing around watching me and discussing the reality of breastfeeding. Quite the audience.

• Hilariously, I got walked in on twice by two different guys on a Sunday morning because the nursing room also serves as a storage room. Suffice it to say, a lock was installed that week, and I wasn’t troubled but found it funny and felt bad for the guys.

• Places - church service, while he was in a carrier on Ronny, sitting in the dirt leaning against a barn at Jaemor, by a food truck at the Chicken Festival, a Pennsylvanian Barnes and Noble sunny windowsill, the food tent of a Christmas market (Christmindlmarkt), the floor of a bathroom of one of the old houses during Christmas on Green Street, a Christmas tree farm, at the Georgia aquarium, and many others.

• Modes of transportation ranged from sedentary with a bed and chair, to slightly more movement in a rocking chair, to him in his car seat, a plane, and a boat.

• Surprisingly, the afternoon feeding, rather than middle of the night (which is so lovely and quiet) ended up being my favorite this time.

• There was no biting incident and resulting intense fellowship this time, largely because his first teeth came in so late.

• I didn’t pump as frequently so he did not get a bottle as much this time, though I did pump during a Sunday morning worship team rehearsal. With Bood, Ronny often took the first morning feeding so I could capitalize on building up an excess supply in the freezer, but that didn’t happen as often with our current season of life.

• As a result, Shep was not into whole milk/bottles at first as I weened him so I took longer to drop the final morning him than planned. It was honestly pretty stressful because I was pregnant and ready for a break.

• With the final feed before he went to bed, Bood would often fall asleep and we’d snuggle for a while. Shep was not that way. When he was done, he was ready for his crib, though we had more snuggly naps in the first few weeks after he was born.

Breastfeeding is such a unique time. It’s a deep connection that I’m grateful I’ve been able to have with both my boys.

Love you, Tiny Shep.